A Warrior's Tear

An excerpt from the "A Warrior is a Child" By Gary Valenciano

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

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Hi Everyone!

It's been a long time since I made my last post. Well, here I am again. Starting to get back on track and shar my thoughts and all.

Well, another year has gone after my last post. So, there'd been a lot of things happened to me. As a start, I want to share something that has been affecting me in the past few days. One of my weaknesses, knowing and seeing my love ones suffering from pain, sickness and other problems.

Two of my beloved relatives were suffering from 2 different conditions. First was my mom who had her ovaries removed to save her from the risks of having Mayoma. Next is my Uncle (my mom's only brother), who was rushed to the hospital due to defecating blood for 5 days, which is a damn serious condition. I am very much bothered by these instances. Silently, I am praying for both of them and wanting to help them, especially my uncle.

The only thing that hinders me from doing this is my inability to provide financial support. It kills me to think that I am earning money, but it's not enough to help them. I don't know where to turn to and I really want to cry.

People usually say to me that I am a good provider to my parents as well as to my sibling, but I don't feel like it. They may say I am tough, but deep inside I am so weak, especially when I can't give anything to help my love ones.

Help me, God! Enlighten me.

I Am Sorry, Pa!

I feel so miserable. Those people I cherish most left me. I still have my sisters and my friends, but I feel empty after all the sacrifices I did for my former partner. Also, because of this forbidden relationship, my father finally loses his patience and decided to banish me. He doesn’t want to see me anymore. This is what makes me miserable. I can’t bear that my beloved father gave up on me.

We often fight because of my wrong doings and his disappointments to me. Those misunderstanding happened to be mended as time goes by. But this time, I really felt his anger. I don’t know what to do now. If going away would make him happy, I’ll do it then. But I’ll make sure I will return to ask for his forgiveness. I love my family so much even though we have certain issues. I love them so much.

I hope my parents will forgive me for going away. Thank you for those people who understand and listened to me. I don’t mean to hurt my family. I always intend to help them like what I usually do to other people. It’s just that circumstances forced me to do things that they do not understand. If my father will happen to read this, Pa, I am very sorry. I ask for your forgiveness. I hope time will come that you can forgive me. I love you so much.

Expectations: How do you deal with it?

Hi there everyone! It's been quite a while since the last time I wrote my last entry. I hope this won't disappoint you guys. There have been lots of things going on to my life and I have many splendid things to share that would somehow provoke you to share your ideas.

Let's start on the word EXPECTATION. How do you guys deal with this matter? What do you do when you manage to meet your expectations? People usually celebrate, right?

But what if you got disappointed because you fail to achieve your or other people's expectation, what do you usually do? Cry? Scream? Remain Silent?

Recently, I happened to see one of William Shakespeare's quote saying that "Expectation is the root of all heartache." Yes, I quite agree on this famous poet's idea. We, as human, usually establish expectation. Most of the time, we expect good things to happen. However, if failure takes place, that is the time people will feel heartache. This is the common cycle we always encounter. A cycle that helps a person mold himself in terms of his personality, social life, mindset, and judgement towards things. Mainly, this depicts a person's life.

Even me, I always deal with this particular cycle. A cycle that sometimes create happiness and heartaches. I hope these expectations won't give a long time disappointment to me, because honestly speaking, I don't know how am I suppose to handle those disappointments.

You, how do you handle things based on your EXPECTATIONS?

GHOST of Your Past Starts to Get Inside of YOU

Hi readers, (if I still have one....hehe)

It's been quite a while since the last time I post my last entry here. I believe that was Mother's day of this year, May 8. Lot of things happened to me in that span of time. Struggles, adventure, drama, and more. Going through all of these is a hard thing to do...yet, so fulfilling. I've learned things that I only knew because I heard it from some people, read it from the book, or saw it on TV. But this time, it is my turn to go with these things. Now, one thing I want to share is the most recent I had in my relationship to my RECENT EX-parter. 

Okay, let me introduce this guy, in order for you to understand why I am sharing this experience. Meet JED, he is a male bisexual who longs for a partner who will love and care for him. JED is among of my "clanmates" in our province. JED is sweet, cute and caring. Though, there are instances that he can't absorb of what I am trying to explain yet he keeps on saying, "I understand what you are trying to say."

JED is seeking for love and loyalty. Knowing JED, he had numerous past relationships that really made him to become doubtful towards his partner. He doesn't even trust his partner fully because of  his experiences in the past. Because of his, our relationship starts to fall apart. We broke up because of failing to fulfill my promise without giving me the chance to make up. Take note, it is my first time to commit such act.

In JED's case, he is among of those people who are afraid to be left alone and be hurt. They fear these things and treat it as their GHOST. They dislike people who turns them down for the first time, leaving them the feeling of being the so aggravated by the offender, regardless if the reason is very simple or not.

If these people keeps on experiencing this things, they become so immune with the cycle and start to become one of those people who turned them down. Victims of this MONSTER (cycle) becomes part of it.

Are you afraid to face the same ghost like what JED is afraid of? Are you aware that you might be one of those who turn other people as part of this cycle? Or if you are the victim, do you think you are starting to become one of them? THINK....

NOTE:

This entry was made, not to expose of my personal hatred to what happened between  me and JED. The purpose of this entry is to enlighten other people and share what I have observed. THANKS.

-KoMhico

Mom, You're the best!!!

 We never know the love of the parent until we become parents ourselves.
-Henry Ward Beecher


She's never get tired of thinking of us, praying that we are all safe and in good condition, providing unconditional love, and giving all their best just to make sure we are okay. This is how my mom, Eleonor, show her love to our family. Even though numerous struggles comes in to our way, she'll always be there and help us.

I miss our small talk about things like food, simple jokes, places, and more. I even miss the times when she's very mad, but then she'll smile when we start hugging her. If I will be given the chance to choose a mother, I will definitely never let go of her. My mom is the ONLY mother I will always treasure...

Mom, thank you so much to everything. I'm so proud of you and we love you. Happy mother's day!!!

Nasa Huli ang Pagsisisi

Hay...Di ko ineexpect na ganito ang dadatnan kong environment, though stressful din ang previous work ko, mas matindi itong kinakaharap ko. Now I know how does it feel to be treated like a MORON despite of providing help to people who needs assistance. Crap! Bakit kaya sila ganun?

Hindi ba nila naisip na we're providing assistance to solve their issues, tas in return, sisigawan ka pa nila. May 4, 2001, 6PM of Wednesday ang unang sabak ko sa floor. Tenured agents have told us to expect these, but crap, it's worst than I imagined. Masyado akong nashock sa level ng pagka-irate ng mga customers n tumatawag sa amin. Tsk. Kaya the rest of the night, super stress ang tinamasa ko.

Eh andito nalang naman na ako, might as well learn to cope up na lang. Help me GOD!

Sa mga makakabasa nito, ito ay purong opinyon lamang po, at wala akong intensiyon na siraan ang kahit na sinuman dito. Ito ay paglalahad lamang ng aking karanasan sa call center at ng mga bagay na aking naencounter na talagang hindi ko inaasahan. Marami pong salamat.

Quote: "I miss you"

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night.  I miss you like hell.
~Edna St Vincent Millay




This surely is one of the hardest things that I should face, missing my beloved partner so bad that makes me feel down knowing we're apart from each other. I know it is hard, but I have to do this. It is better to look at the brighter side, than to punish myself from the agony of missing you so bad.